White coat. Heels.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
