why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
