thus making me awesome and them whores
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and she was petting her beer can
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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