ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize