dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
