my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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