Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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