living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
