I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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