As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
