don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
