I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
