He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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