Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
