They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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