it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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