is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
