I showed him my bush... on skype.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
