I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
