Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
