after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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