the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
