theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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