Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
