Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize