your thong is hanging out like whoa
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
