how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
