I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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