Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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