when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
