I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
