is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
