i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
