in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dignity is for republicans.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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