i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize