I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
