Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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