let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
