I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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