She is in my trunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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