look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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