is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
