Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
