Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
