does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
