what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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