forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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