doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
