Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
