I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
