So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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