I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
