he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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