Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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