You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
