I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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