You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
