You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize