the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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