i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
