Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
