heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
