New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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