happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
