you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
