PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I fill condoms, not promises.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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