Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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