oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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