If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
