She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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