I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
