Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
