i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
