I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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