He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
